THIS IS GETTING ME DOWN? - pt 13

I do not know why, but a malaise has taken over....a sadness and quietness......maybe dredging up all this stuff is not good for me. I'm not sure. But I did get a pick-me up yesterday as I received a package from my Mormon cousin, Michelle from Boston. She sent me an album she made of a trip she and her little girl Kylie, made to New York last year to celebrate Kylie's birthday. In the album are photos they took of all the sights we went to see, with thoughts from Kylie, and quotes from Emma Lazarus. Each page is printed on glossy paper (Michelle is an incredibly creative artist and a trained architect to boot) and on the glossy hard cover of the album is a large photo of Kylie and Moi! This took a lot of effort to make, no doubt about it. She is such a great Mother. I wish I could do it all over again. Being a Mother, I mean. I would do things so much differently. I made so many mistakes that I sometimes weep over them. I missed sharing so much with my daughter. And I exposed her to unnecessary tension in my home. But I was unable to do anything about any of it.

When Kylie was asked what she wanted for her birthday she said a trip to New York with just she and her Mom, Michelle. No sisters or brother to tag along. And that's what she got. First I met them down in Chinatown where the bus took them from Boston. Fare is less than $30.00 RT which is a great deal. So we toured Chinatown first and Kylie was impressed with seeing her first herbal pharmacy. We bought some delicious kumquats which Kylie had never eaten before and then headed uptown to times square, and one of Kylie's main destinations, to visit Toys 'R Us, which to children is like being in a child's museum, a fairy-land of 'stuff' all to buy. Every time Kylie touched something smiling, with the look of desire in her eyes, I offered to buy it as her birthday gift, but she would not select anything. When I asked her what she wanted, to just tell me, she couldn't and simply said, "nothing" with a smile on her face. "Really Cousin Dolores, I don't want anything". Amazing! I do not know a child that would not accept a gift when offered. Not only is Kylie's birthday the same as mine, but I was just like her as a child. Whenever anyone asked me what I wanted, I also said, " nothing"...except the time when I was a tot and asked for the Bride's doll.
Remember, it was Kylie that included me when she said Grace at dinner. "And thank you God, for bringing our Cousin Dolores into our lives." Yes, God. Thank you from me too for bringing them all into my life. This little bunch of Mormons from Boston. My cousins!

Are you there God? It's me , Dolores.